I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
