I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
