Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
