2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
