I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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