Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
