As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
