Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
