Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
