Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
