Already got asked if we're dating
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
