did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
