At least make sure they are 18
Why
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
