The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you would pick up someone in the library
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
