just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
