no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
