So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just high enough for therapy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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