tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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