Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think i have two assholes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
