So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
