im having a threesome with these popsicles
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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