Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
