alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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