Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
