this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
