I'm so fucking centered right now
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
