it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
