First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
