i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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