you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
