Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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