I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
