peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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