i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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