i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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