I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
