yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
