Little spoons don't ask big questions
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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