toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
