Your mouth is God's brothel.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
whose parrot is this?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
