You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
