so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
