Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
