..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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