She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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