Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
