how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
