I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
