I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
