Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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