I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
