Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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