well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
