what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
