at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
